You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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