Your mouth is God's brothel.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
