what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
