forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
