Im at strip club and am horny
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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