Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
