Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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