omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
