if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
