i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
