when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
