Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
