dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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