I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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