4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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