I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
