we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
