i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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