what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
