I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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