Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
