I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
