first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
