You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
