I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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