Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
as a side note pls kill me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
