Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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