Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
