Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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