youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
