If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize