He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
