Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
