Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
