We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
