and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize