we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
