She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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