whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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