im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize