so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
