is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
