I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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