and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
