omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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