who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
