dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
