I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
