I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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