Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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