i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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