come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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