Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
