It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize