you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
