cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
