Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
