You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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