I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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