THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
