I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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