What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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