I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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