i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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