why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
