forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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