Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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