Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
