apparently the secret to your success is patron
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize