just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
