I don't usually arrange sex via text message
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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