Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
