who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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