I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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