I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
