In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
