Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
