i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
