i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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