if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
