I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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