any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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