FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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