Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
