It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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