i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
