sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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